Something to Regret
by Clown Prince Of Crime
Summary: A tale of heartache, pain, lust and love. Severus Snape has hated Sirius Black since they where in school together. Has anyone bothered to ask why.
1. Chapter 1

Something to Regret – Chapter One

"You" Snape spat with utmost disgust. The look on Sirius' face mimicked what would seem a mirror image of the one on Snape's, pure hatred and disgust. Dumbledore well knew that Sirius and Severus had their own reasons for the strong hatred they felt towards each other, but it was most definitely time to set all of that aside.

Sirius had left the hospital wing first, having been given his instructions from Dumbledore, but he could not leave yet for there was something he felt he needed to do first. When Dumbledore finished with Snape and had given him his orders, Snape immediately headed down to his dungeon office.

"What are you doing in here" Snape barked as he entered the darkness of his office closing the door behind him.

"Severus we need to talk" Sirius said as he slowly moved out of the shadows into view.

"What is it that you think is so important, Black, that would give you even the slightest idea that you are welcome in my personal space" Snape glared.

"I would think you know that Severus". Snape did know, not that he wanted to mind you.

"It meant nothing" Snape mumbled hiding his face among the shadows of the dark room.

"If it meant nothing then why are you still holding a grudge? Severus I am sorry, I never meant to-"

"Shut up!" Snape snapped cutting him off filling the room with an eerie sort of silence.

"I waited you know" Snape spoke quietly breaking the silence. "I waited and waited and waited in that room! But no your precious infatuation your precious Potter was more important!" Snape spat venomously. "But being as stupid as I was" he went on "waited none the less, and after four hours of waiting I finally started to believe that you had forgotten your promise."

"Severus-" Sirius began but was once again cut off.

"Someone however did show up, though it wasn't you, no not you. It was your precious Potter! You left me to him! He was more powerful... I-I couldn't fight..." Snape went silent and Sirius stared at him dumbfounded. "I called your name you know" Snape said, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

"Severus what do you-? What are you-?"

"GET OUT NOW!" Snape yelled cutting Sirius off yet another time.

"Wha-?"

"NOW!!" Snape spat now brandishing his wand. Snape looked murderous, Sirius had no choice but to leave and so he did. Leaving the office swiftly without another word and closing the door tightly behind him, stopping only to see Dumbledore standing before him.

"Come Sirius, I think we should have a talk."


	2. Chapter 2

Something to Regret – Chapter Two

Dumbledore lead Sirius up to his office and sat quietly in his armchair at his desk, eyes twinkling behind his half moon shaped spectacles.

"Now Sirius" Dumbledore spoke up. "You must know that I may acknowledge and understand your problem, but I am afraid I cannot fix it for you, Severus' grudge runs deep."

Sirius sat quietly and listened intently to what Dumbledore had to say.

"Your previous relationship with Severus although obvious was hidden well from your friends, of course not well enough for me to miss it."

Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Dumbledore continued.

"In time that relationship grew and Severus grew with is. He in his own way loved you even more than he understood himself. He slowly began to question and fear your closeness to our dear Mr. Potter. You had assured him many times that James was nothing more than your friend, but Severus still went on fearing and loathing him. You had secretly promised to meat him one night, unaware that on that very same evening your poor friend Remus Lupin would escape transformed, as I am sure you remember. Being suck a danger as it was, you rushed off without a second thought to help with the situation, leaving the unaware Severus to wait."

Sirius gave a small grunt in confirmation.

"Severus as I said was unaware of the situation and had no idea why you weren't there, though he waited just as promised. The only problem was that a one Lucius Malfoy had gotten wind of what had been going on between the two of you and decided, well that he would take advantage of the situation."

"What do you mean take advantage?" Black blurted out curiously.

The twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes dimmed as though saddened. "Lucius had thought it would be amusing to cast a curse on James Potter and I must say that he was well punished for it afterwards. The cures had made James enraged at Severus of whom was waiting for you in the dungeons." Dumbledore looked downward, smile and twinkle gone. "Lucius' curse had directed James to do something he would never have dreamed of doing. Sadly he overpowered Severus easily."

Sirius stared into Dumbledore's eyes as if searching for comprehension of what he now knew, but didn't want to believe had happened.

"If only I had gotten there sooner" Dumbledore said "I could of stopped him before he had raped Severus."

NO! Sirius couldn't and didn't want to believe him.

"James wouldn't-"

"Not of his own free will, no he wouldn't have. When I finally got to them they where both curled up in separate corners in complete shock. Lucius' spell was designed so that it ended right when James had...finished, leaving James with full knowledge of what he had done. You remember don't you? Visiting James in the Hospital Wing when he wouldn't speak a word to anyone and you had thought that Severus was angry and avoiding you, when in actual fact he was in the Hospital Wing to, four beds from James I believe" Dumbledore said.

"I-I-" Sirius mumbled. His first instinct, KILL LUCIUS, was brushed off by his second that was a need to talk to Snape.

"Now I am sorry but I must leave you now, I have a bit of business to attend to." Dumbledore stood up abruptly and walked towards the door pausing just behind Sirius. "I do advise you Sirius not to be wandering about the school, you are still sadly a murderer in far too many people's eyes." Dumbledore said then exited the office silently, leaving Sirius sitting there in that small uncomfortable chair with nothing but his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Something to Regret – Chapter Three

Harry Ron and Hermione raced down the dungeon hall towards the potions classroom. It did not bode well to be late to one of Professor Snape's classes especially with exams coming up so soon. They expected that Snape would be furious but what they did not expect was to arrive at the classroom and see all the students standing about in the hall, whispering amongst themselves.

"Hermione, Harry, Ron where have you been?" questioned a somewhat short frightened boy.

"Never mind that Neville, what's going on" Harry asked looking around at all the students.

"Well I don't really know, but that girl over there" Neville pointed to a fairly shaken up girl sitting in the corner of the hall. "She was the first one to get here and she went in the classroom just the same as any other time, only-"

"Only?" Hermione questioned.

"Only when she went in Professor Snape freaked out on her, started screaming at her to get out of the room, but when she didn't move, I think she was in shock, he sent her flying out of the room and slammed the door behind her" Neville said looking particularly horrified himself.

They all stood quietly for a second taking in what they heard, then Hermione spoke.

"Did anyone go get another teacher?"

Neville shook his head indicating no.

"Hmm, okay well we are just going to have to go in there then" Hermione said.

"What are you mad!?" Ron said loudly. "You heard what Neville said, Snape's snapped!"

"We can't afford to miss any more potions classes with our exams coming up" Hermione stated firmly.

"What are your grades more important than your life!?!"

"It's not like he would purposely harm us."

"Oh and whipping a girl out of a classroom isn't purposeful harm!?"

Ignoring his friends bickering Harry slowly walked forward and opened the door to the potions room.

"Professor" he called out as he slowly entered the room spotting Snape at his desk. Harry moved up towards the front of the room where Snape sat at his desk muttering to himself.

"Um, excuse me sir" Harry stopped in front of Snape's desk. "Are you okay?" he asked.

The muttering had stopped and a piercing glare was upon him. "What do you want Potter? Why aren't you in your seat?" Snape barked, looking around only to see an empty classroom.

"Where is everyone?" he snapped almost surprisingly.

Harry stared for a moment then answered "Professor, you wouldn't let anyone in when the class started."

Snape almost looked confused, almost. "Let them in then" he barked.

The rest of the potions period consisted of Snape yelling at everyone to study and him retreating to his desk. There were no criticizing, no mean jokes, not even a whisper it was just silent for the remainder of the period. The bell rang after what seemed like hours and everyone filed out of the classroom.

"Well that was just horrible" Hermione stated as she Harry and Ron headed up the many flights of stairs towards the special room Dumbledore had provided for Sirius.

"- absolutely mad!" Ron wailed as he flung open the door to Sirius' room.

"Thank you for knocking" came a gruff sarcastic voice as Sirius looked up from his newspaper.

"What's mad?" he asked.

"Snape! He's gone absolutely mad he has!" Ron exclaimed.

Sirius looked towards Harry with a questioning look.

"He freaked out on a student and literally tossed her out of the classroom, I went to see what was going on and he was just sitting there muttering to himself." Harry lowered his voice so that Ron and Hermione wouldn't hear. "I could have sworn he was crying" Harry said.

Sirius' heart gave a tug and he frowned. He knew exactly what was going on, having gone threw the same thing earlier, well the exactly the same thing, from what he knew it was probably much much worse. He really did need to talk to Severus again, he needed to-

"He didn't give us any homework or anything! Do you think he's dieing or something!?" Ron yelled excitedly, interrupting Sirius' thoughts.

"What do you think is wrong with him" Harry asked quietly. "I don't know" Sirius lied.

Eventually Ron's blabbing subsided and the three of them left for dinner.

"See you Sirius" Hermione said as she headed out the door.

Sirius had decided he would go see Snape, though he could not go now for there where too many people out who would see him, so he waited for midnight then headed out


	4. Chapter 4

Something to Regret – Chapter Four

It was tricky but Sirius finally found himself at Snape's dungeon quarters, not only was it nearly impossible to find but Filch and that damned cat of his seemed to be everywhere at once. Sirius reached out and turned the door handle slowly, quietly.

It was locked; he smirked faintly as he pulled out his wand, whispering "Alohomora".

The door made a small click sound and it was open. Sirius slowly made his way into the dank dark room full of jars of odd things, very much like Snape's office. He walked very slowly and very quietly for he knew that Snape would likely try to kill him for coming in here.

Sirius' eyes skimmed the room for any movement but instead he found himself looking upon a sleeping Severus, empty jar of sleeping potion at his side. Sirius frowned as he quietly sat himself down on the corner of Severus' bed, careful not to wake him.

He had learned along time ago from Snape's tutoring sessions with him that certain ingredients of the sleeping potion were essentially very dangerous in large quantities, more specifically the asphodel and wormwood(1) and it looked as though Severus had drained the entire jar of potion at once.

The only thing that Sirius could think was that this was his fault, he wondered how long this had been going on, how long Snape had been slowly killing himself.

Severus looked like a beautiful, dieing angel, no expression clouded his face, no sneer, no mocking anger, he looked so peaceful and yet in so much pain.

"I'm sorry Severus if I had only known" he whispered to his sleeping angel. "If I had known I would have never let it happen. I'm going to fucking kill that Malfoy idiot for what he did to you."

"What a kind sentiment Black, though I don't think I'm worth going back to Azkaban for." Snape said groggily, slowly sitting up making Sirius jump to his feet.

"You're awake" Sirius said questioningly staring towards the empty potion bottle.

"Mind your own business Black" Snape barked as he quickly disposed of the bottle. "Now what are you doing here!?" Severus demanded "I thought I made it perfectly clear you weren't to come near me Black! Let alone sneaking into my personal quarters in the middle of the night" he yelled furiously.

"I was speaking with Dumbledore, he told me-"

"Oh so he told you did he?! Come to apologize have you!?" Snape hissed, sneer set firmly in place.

"Yes I have" Sirius stated.

The room went quiet, Severus looked shocked and disgusted.

"How could you possibly think that your pitiful apology would make any difference!?" Snape snapped.

"Because" Sirius said, walking up to Severus and placing a single hand on his shoulder. "Even with our so called hatred for each other all this time, I am still in love with you and it hurts me to know your in pain" Sirius said leaving Severus thunderstruck, such kind words had not been spoken to him for a very long time.

Severus scrambled backwards trying to get away, so many emotions passed over his face weather he wanted them to or not.

Sirius moved closer, "I know that there's not much I can do to make it better between us I just hope you understand that I'm always here, if you need anything, ever, no matter what it is, do not hesitate. I wasn't there when you needed me most and it cost all too much" Sirius said as Snape glared fiercely.

Sirius looked at him with heart felt eyes, then slowly planted a small kiss upon Severus' smooth lips. It was a small kiss lasting a minute amount of time and yet it said so much. Sirius found no a good time to retreat, before Severus decided to kill him, but to Sirius' surprise he did not seem angry.

Severus reached forward and pulled Sirius into a timid yet searing kiss.

Godric he missed this, the taste the smell, tongues exploring tasting, neither dominate nor submissive, just demanding. Severus slowly pulled away ending the kiss, this time it was Sirius who was shocked.

"Severus?" he questioned.

"I used to love you" Severus said "I don't know if I still do."

--

(1) Asphodel and Wormwood are the key ingredients to a sleeping potion. They are potentially very dangerous for if the potion is not brewed carefully it could create the Draught of Living Death instead.


	5. Chapter 5

Something to Regret – Chapter Five

Time passes so quickly. It was only two nights ago that Sirius went up to Snape's room to speak with him, only two nights ago that he kissed the soft lips of his former love, his present love. It had been a surprise to his when that love was partially returned in a kiss, when it had happened Sirius was shocked, excited and sad all at the same time.

He remembered leaving the room shortly after unable to speak or even think properly, how is it that such a small thing could mean so much to him, and yet it seemed nothing to Severus.

The two days had passed and Snape was back to his usual sneering self, as if nothing ever happened. Not that he knew from personal account, because he hadn't left his room in those two days, but he had had visits from Harry, Ron and Hermione, and Ron seemed especially distraught with Snape's sudden turn for the better, well back to normal anyway.

Sirius was half awake when he heard a faint knock at the door, a knock that could only be made by a house elf.

"I told you I'm not hungry" Sirius said opening the door.

"But sir has to eat" the tiny elf said.

"I'm not hungry" Sirius stated "so if there isn't anything else exceedingly important, I would like to go back to sleep."

"Dobby has a message sir, a message from Dumbledore. He says that Dobby is to tell Mr. Black that he is to attend lunch with him sir. He says he has something important to talk to you about sir."

Sirius cocked a brow in question.

"Oh Dobby does not know sir, Dobby just knows the message, Sir must be at Dumbledore's office by 1 o'clock" Dobby said and then disappeared down the hall.

"Bloody house elf's" Sirius grumbled as he searched around his room for his robes.

Sirius didn't want to eat or talk or do anything but sleep at the moment, just sleep and fade away, but never the less he showed up at Dumbledore's office at ten on the dot.

Sirius went to knock on the door but it flew open right when he raised his hand.

"Sirius, come in, come in, sit down" Dumbledore beamed and guided Sirius to a table in the middle of the office. How a table that size ever fit in this room was a mystery. Sirius sat down at the table and found that he was not the only person there. Sitting directly next to him was his old friend Remus Lupin and at his other side Professor McGonagall. Sirius looked around the entire table to see that there was a large amount of people sitting about. Hagrid was there taking up two seats, along with what looked like half the Weasley family, Molly, Arthur and their two sons Charlie and Bill. Another man he knew to be an Auror, Mad Eye Moody, and an empty seat next to Dumbledore.

"Great to see you old friend" Remus said to him smiling.

"What's going on here? Is this something to do with the order?" Sirius questioned.

"Ah yes, we are just waiting for our last guest I'm afraid" Dumbledore said happily. Just as Dumbledore finished speaking there was a loud knock on the door and then it swung open and Snape whooshed in.

How did he know it would be him?

"Pardon my being late, I just had Potions with the Gryphondor's, Longbottom's cauldron exploded, had to rush a bunch of students up to the hospital wing."

"Very well Severus, If you would just sit down we can begin" Dumbledore said.

"Well now that everyone is here I thing we should begin" Dumbledore said as he waved his hand and the table filled with food. "It's always best to converse over food" Dumbledore smiled.

Everyone started eating and talking, though Sirius wasn't paying attention, he was concentrating on the o-so pale beauty sitting across from him. It's not every day you see Severus Snape eating or drinking for that matter, odd. Sirius' thoughts where interrupted by Molly Weasley.

"I don't know of any other place" she said.

Back to reality, "place?" Sirius questioned.

"We need a place to house the order dear" Molly said "but we haven't got anywhere to use except the Burrow and that's still a bit dodgy."

"You could use my place!" Sirius blurted out. Everyone stopped and stared, mostly because he said it so loud and that they had never know him to have a home let alone a house. The auror stared and muttered something to himself then started sniffing his food... odd.

"The Black house, my mother's house. It is perfectly adequate to fit many people as well as hold meetings, although, it most definitely needs to be fixed up, no ones lived in it for a very long time" Sirius said.

"Well that's no problem, Sirius you and I could work on it a couple times a week to make it habitable" Molly said with determination.

"Well now that that's settled I think we should find some accommodation for Sirius." Dumbledore beamed. "Does anyone have an idea of where he could stay?" he asked happily…

No one said anything, they all knew it couldn't be done. Sirius couldn't stay with the Weasley's there wasn't enough room. He couldn't stay with his old friend Lupin because of the time of month it was. He wouldn't be caught dead staying with McGonagall. The auror would probably kill him in his sleep... Sirius went threw the list of people in his head, there really was no one for him to stay with. He was beginning to think he was going to have to stay in that cave again.

Snape spoke up and said "He may stay with me. There are more than enough rooms in the Snape Manor."


	6. Chapter 6

Something to Regret – Chapter Six

Staying in the Snape manor. This concept was truly mind boggling to Sirius, he had always wanted to –

"Your staying with Snape over the summer!?" Harry Ron and Hermione all gasped.

"Yeah" Sirius said.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Harry asked.

"Snape's mad! You should come and stay at the Burrow!" Ron yelled.

Sirius chuckled "Oh it shouldn't be that bad, as long as I don't do anything while I'm there, like talk or breathe…"

"Well I think it's a good idea" Hermione stated.

"You would!" Ron argued.

Sirius sighed giving his suitcase a tap with his wand shutting it tight. "Well I'm off" Sirius said walking towards Harry. "Don't forget to send me some letters, keep me informed, let me know how those damn muggles are treating you." He said while he hugged Harry.

Harry smiled. "Try not to kill each other" he said

"Have fun" Hermione said.

"Have fun she says! Good luck and watch your back!" Ron waved.

Sirius started down the hall. "Brave man" he heard Ron say with a following "For goodness sake Ron!"

"Said your goodbyes have you Black" Severus said from the bottom of the stairwell.

Sirius gasped when he saw what Snape was wearing. Tight leather pants and a firm fitting long sleeve shirt.

"What? Have you not seen muggle clothing before Black?"

"Of course I have, obviously" he looked down at his own attire, ratty jeans and a t-shirt. Severus had told him to dress like this because they would be taking muggle transportation, but damn.

"You look…" Sirius said when he reached the bottom of the staires.

"I look what Black?" Snape smirked.

"Shut up you bloody git" Sirius glared.

Severus walked out of the hall to the exit. "Coming then Black?"

'I'm starting to think Ron was right' Sirius gave a grunt in conformation and followed.


End file.
